I have always suspected that the Zimbabwe passport is a red rag to immigration officers the world over. Today I got further evidence to corroborate that theory. The coach rode off into the Croatian sunrise without me.
Fortunately it was only a proposed day excursion into Croatia. I still had a hotel to go back to in Montenegro.
To traverse the "no man's land" between the Croatian and
Montenegro border posts, I was escorted by four police officers. As I clambered up into the back of their Land Rover, I realized or rather hoped I may never have another privilege to repeat the experience. So I proffered my camera to one of the police officers to capture the moment for me. He certainly wasn't amused! After a flurry of consultations among them in Croatian, he eventually turned to me and said, "Why you want picture?"(sic). It was my assumption that that was a rhetorical question. So I did not answer.
There was an awkward heavy silence in the Land Rover until one of the officers asked whether it was hot in Zimbabwe. Then we talked about the weather for the rest of the ride. The form they completed cited lack of a Schengen visa as the reason for declining entry into Croatia. Paradoxically, I am not aware of anyone on that coach who had a Schengen visa.
At the end of the ride I was handed over to Montenegro Police who showed me to the ATM while they phoned for a taxi on my behalf. 
The taxi had no meter so I asked the driver how he determines the fare. He mumbled unintelligibly for a considerable length of time. Somewhere in the course of his mumble I heard "twenty Euro." That is what I paid at the end of the trip and he seemed to accept it. Then I descended to the Herceg Novi marina where I relaxed for the rest of the day watching barely-clad bodies worshipping the sun.
There was a touch of déjà vu in today's experience. I have had more unjustified uphill with immigration officers than I care to remember. Two years ago at Ben Gurion Airport, Israel I was on a similar package holiday and was singled out for interrogation.
Ten years ago I was proceeding from Cyprus to Athens when I ran into an impossible immigration officer at Larnaca Airport. On that occasion I had a perfectly valid Schengen visa for Greece but even that did not seem to help me. The immigration officer would not let me onto the plane because my South African visa was going to expire during my proposed stay in Athens. When the immigration officers' supervisor found out what was going on he blew his top and told off the officer right there before us. He was speaking in Greek and all I could make out was Athena!...........Athena!.............Athena! Decoding the body language, I inferred he was saying something along the lines, "that is Athens' problem and none of your business! If he has a valid visa for Greece let him go....." I was eventually allowed through and managed to catch the plane.
Back in my student days at the University of Surrey in the UK I spent a few hours in a cell at Surrey Constabulary headquarters in Guildford for overstaying my visa. Fortunately I had a superb personal tutor in Dr Brian Stace. While I sat in the cell, I took comfort in the knowledge that Dr Stace and Lorna Egan-Andrew (the student counsellor) were working very hard behind the scenes to secure my release. They did their work so well that I was released the same evening and was not even charged.
It was midwinter and the silver lining was that the cell was warmer than my room in res. The grub wasn't too bad either. I had sausage and chips and it was all room-service of course. They must have realized one sausage and chips was not enough for a voracious student because they slapped two slices of bread and butter on top.
Even though the cell episode had a happy ending, it nevertheless calcified my resolve never to allow myself into situations where I would be exposed to similar humiliation ever again. In practice that means living on my own turf at all costs. That is why I did not emigrate when Zimbabwe went through that dreadful meltdown in the year 2008. Today's episode vindicated that resolve.
