WHY I NEVER GOT TO DUBROVNIK

I have always suspected that the Zimbabwe passport is a red rag to immigration officers the world over. Today I got further evidence to corroborate that theory. The coach rode off into the Croatian sunrise without me. 

Fortunately it was only a proposed day excursion into Croatia. I still had a hotel to go back to in Montenegro. 

To traverse the "no man's land" between the Croatian and 

Montenegro border posts, I was escorted by four police officers. As I clambered up into the back of their Land Rover, I realized or rather hoped I may never have another privilege to repeat the experience. So I proffered my camera to one of the police officers to capture the moment for me. He certainly wasn't amused! After a flurry of consultations among them in Croatian, he eventually turned to me and said, "Why you want picture?"(sic). It was my assumption that that was a rhetorical question. So I did not answer. 

There was an awkward heavy silence in the Land Rover until one of the officers asked whether it was hot in Zimbabwe. Then we talked about the weather for the rest of the ride. The form they completed cited lack of a Schengen visa as the reason for declining entry into Croatia. Paradoxically, I am not aware of anyone on that coach who had a Schengen visa.

At the end of the ride I was handed over to  Montenegro Police who showed me to the ATM while they phoned for a taxi on my behalf.  

The taxi had no meter so I asked the driver how he determines the fare. He mumbled unintelligibly for a considerable length of time. Somewhere in the course of his mumble I heard "twenty Euro." That is what I paid at the end of the trip and he seemed to accept it. Then I descended to the Herceg Novi marina where I relaxed for the rest of the day watching barely-clad bodies worshipping the sun. 

There was a touch of déjà vu in today's experience. I have had more unjustified uphill with immigration officers than I care to remember.  Two years ago at Ben Gurion Airport, Israel I was on a similar package holiday and was singled out for interrogation.

Ten years ago I was proceeding from Cyprus to Athens when I ran into an impossible immigration officer at Larnaca Airport. On that occasion I had a perfectly valid Schengen visa for Greece but even that did not seem to help me. The immigration officer would not let me onto the plane because my South African visa was going to expire during my proposed stay in Athens. When the immigration officers' supervisor found out what was going on he blew his top and told off the officer right there before us. He was speaking in Greek and all I could make out was Athena!...........Athena!.............Athena! Decoding the body language, I inferred he was saying something along the lines, "that is Athens' problem and none of your business! If he has a valid visa for Greece let him go....." I was eventually allowed through and managed to catch the plane. 

Back in my student days at the University of Surrey in the UK I spent a few hours in a cell at Surrey Constabulary headquarters in Guildford for overstaying my visa. Fortunately I had a superb personal tutor in Dr Brian Stace. While I sat in the cell, I took comfort in the knowledge that Dr Stace and Lorna Egan-Andrew (the student counsellor) were working very hard behind the scenes to secure my release. They did their work so well that I was released the same evening and was not even charged.

It was midwinter and the silver lining was that the cell was warmer than my room in res. The grub wasn't too bad either. I had sausage and chips and it was all room-service of course.  They must have realized one sausage and chips was not enough for a voracious student because they slapped two slices of bread and butter on top.

Even though the cell episode had a happy ending, it nevertheless calcified my resolve never to allow myself into situations where I would be exposed to similar humiliation ever again. In practice that means living on my own turf at all costs. That is why I did not emigrate when Zimbabwe went through that dreadful meltdown in the year 2008. Today's episode vindicated that resolve. 

Mana Pools 2013

Last month I gatecrashed a men's fellowship breakfast at Chisipite Bible Baptist Church.  Even though I was there primarily for the food, I also discovered that they were organizing a camping weekend at Mana Pools.

I had never been to Mana. So I found a first trip with a Christian crowd irresistible.

Turned out to be a fabulous trip, and great value too! I've been back  for 48 hours already  yet I still feel refreshed! Not many holidays manage that. 

We were privileged to have Gordon and Debbie Putterill

of Bally Vaughn fame as camp directors plus two more professional safari guides. They gave us sound advice but whether we heeded it is another matter. On one occasion Gordon gave a safety talk on the importance of staying together and not running in case of danger. Less than an hour later, we were charged by an elephant and you should have seen the guys scattering in all directions! Fortunately the ele had better things to do and did not sustain the charge.  (Video: http://youtu.be/BaTwWef4w7I) Apart from that the elephants were generally well behaved and frequented the campsite a lot, probably too often. Hyenas, hippos baboons and monkeys were all over the campsite too. There were grunting, whining and crunching choruses all night. Some were sounds I had never heard before. It remains a mystery what animals they were coming from! The trick was to not take any fluids after 3:00pm.  Far better to be dehydrated than run the gauntlet to the ablution block in the middle of the night!

We had our tents right on the banks of the Zambezi at Nyamepi Camp.

Theoretically gale force winds could have easily blown some of the tents into the crocodile infested waters! Fortunately we only had light breezes. 

As I lay in my tent I wondered whether some bright hyenas would eventually discover that there was only a piece of canvas between them and easy tender meat. Their powerful jaws can munch through the thickest of bones. So a piece of canvas would be a piece of cake!

Talking of cakes, we even had cake in the wilderness. Debbie Putterill and Louise Pascoe were amazing caterers       .

They created wonders in the wilderness with the most basic of equipment.  Wonders that many would struggle to match with fully equipped kitchens. Watching them I learnt how to make great toast on a boerwors banjo! The food was so good I put on 1 kg in 4 days! I had packed some emergency snacks but brought them back untouched since I never had any peckish intervals. 

Being a predominantly Baptist crowd, full immersion baptisms in the Zambezi were inevitable. When we arrived

 at the Baptismal site, there were crocodiles basking in the afternoon sun on a sandbank. They promptly slithered into the water when they saw us. So I kept well away from the water. I also took photos that I thought might help any resulting inquest. As it happens, there were more than fifty people wading in the river

 which probably traumatized the poor crocodiles! 

Mana Pools is an extensive flood plain in the lower Zambezi River. With the construction of  Kariba Dam upstream 56 years ago there hasn't been that  much flooding. So some ecologists expect Mana Pools to evolve beyond recognition in time. The dearth of tree saplings

 is considered to be testimony to that theory although excessive elephant numbers are believed to play a role too. 

Whatever the prognosis, for now Mana Polls remains a place of breathtaking natural beauty and tranquility before sunset. Immediately after sunset Messrs Hippo and friends commence their grunting choruses. 

Newsletter 2012

Business was terrible at the beginning of this year. It is not an unusual seasonal business trend but this year the doldrums persisted a bit long. Trade winds only started blowing in the second quarter. At last I put the kettle on and I could eat again! Fortunately the trend held and I could afford a holiday, in fact two holidays and a half.

The Gwatamatic
and allied accessories remain my primary source of livelihood. You can catch a glimpse of its manufacture and operation at http://youtu.be/7k0Dyi6UwuQ The value version of the Gwatamatic, called the Baby Gwata

looks set to overtake its heavier brother eventually. However the decent margins on both depend on the Gwatamatic patent which is only six years away from expiry. So I have to come up with another "big-ticket" invention before then.
Moreover, the Warren Buffet principle says never to rely on just one stream of income, no matter how good it happens to be.So for now I have subsidiary inventions growing but none of them is likely to grow as big as the Gwatamatic. They include the Kotomatic (an avocado harvesting implement), Steamatic(a steamer adapter), Kangamatic(a peanut roasting "tumble drier"), Gochamatic (a roasting apparatus for maize-on-the -cob and other foods with axial symmetry) and the Tsotsomatic (a camping stove). The Tsotsomatic only made its debut in formal retail channels on 1 December this year, three years after its invention.

You can watch the Tsotsomatic in action at http://youtu.be/kDJTGTqDFlM
Three years ago the Women's Association ladies of Chakadini Methodist Church ( a rural church that had no electricity supply at the time) asked me to design a cooking apparatus solution for their church conference catering requirements. It had to run on solid fuels, mainly wood, as efficiently as possible. That called for recourse to my school physics as well as a conversation I had in the late eighties with the then Dutch Ambassador' wife. Mrs Faber and her family attended the same church as I did. One day she told me how the flue effect could be harnessed to enhance the efficiency of cooking fires. The flue effect features in the solution I came up with for Chakadini Methodist Church. The result was the Dandamatic.

Its salient features are augmented ventilation (which obviates the need to split the firewood), flue effect, concentric rings that serve dual purposes of focusing the heat where it's required and grabbing saucepans securely. Virtually every saucepan can find somewhere it slots in on that hob. The resulting universal hobs can handle even traditional calabashes and woks. Three years ago the whole effort was a purely voluntary exercise. As time went on I recognized the commercial potential of the design. That is how the Tsotsomatic was born. The Tsotsomatic is just a light-duty portable consumer version of the Dandamatic.

This year has been the silver anniversary of my membership of Highlands Presbyterian Church.

I have never sustained membership of any other institution that long. However in the context of the church's core business of eternal life, twenty five years is really nothing.
Over that period of time we have been lucky to have a string of good ministers who contributed immensely to my spiritual growth. In my turn, I have contributed in modest ways to the life of the church. Probably the most demanding of which was a twelve-year stint as a sound mixing desk operator. This year my involvement over and above regular elders' duties was operating the video projector and sitting on the Chancel Committee (church interior renovation committee). I emphasize "sitting" because whether I actually did any work is open to debate. What is not debatable though is the outcome of the committee's efforts.

For my holidays this year, I used the same Christian holiday company I went to Israel with last year, Oak Hall.
I still had a great time even though I did not travel very far, the safari holiday was largely within Zimbabwe with a few days across in Botswana.

You can read more about the holiday at http://gwataboy.blogspot.com
I had been to many of the sites before but Antelope Park in Gweru was the most transformed since I was last there.They have a profound long-term lion conservation programme in progress.

Tourism opportunities like lion walking http://youtu.be/GmCJcBg--6E are only by-products of the wider conservation effort. That makes it particularly special for me because of its contrast with the plethora of money-making gimmicks all over the tourist circuit.

To recover from the safari I went to a reunion cum Christian conference in the UK.

Comparing notes with other delegates

at the conference, I discovered rave reviews of the Montenegro tour. Before then it was not even on my radar! Now I am determined to get there sometime before I die.

My other agenda in the UK was to look for components for my next gadget and also to explore Silicon Roundabout. While the conference was ace, I did not have too much luck with the other two objectives. Silicon Roundabout is supposed to be a nascent "Silicon Valley" taking root in London in the area between Shoreditch and Stratford. I scoured that area but found very little consistent with the hype in the press! Many people had never even heard of it! Perhaps I should start saving for a pilgrimage to the real McCoy, Silicon Valley itself!

To recover from the UK trip, I took my final outing of the year in South Africa . Driving on the road between Harare and Johannesburg, one can't help noticing how busy that route is, especially the volume of lorries. At first glance it almost suggests an economic boom! Sadly the reality is otherwise. The road traffic explosion is a direct result of implosion of the regional railways and airlines. There are convoys upon convoys of lorries trucking copper cathodes from Zambia all the way to the port of Durban by road! Copper is so heavy the roads have started collapsing too.
Air Zimbabwe finally gave up its ghost after decades as a financial zombie. In small ways and in big ways it could be a blessing in disguise. The long suffering Zimbabwean taxpayer no longer has to continue subsidizing a lost cause. More importantly, just like the collapse of the Zimbabwe dollar, the demise of Air Zimbabwe could help a subtle yet fundamental policy shift. Without a national airline we are nearer an open-skies policy than we have ever been. That could spawn competitive air fares to the benefit of both Zimbabweans and visitors alike. That is but a silver lining though. The bane of post-independence Africa remains our failure to maintain let alone build on inherited infrastructure.

An attempt to overhaul the inherited legal infrastructure of Zimbabwe is mired in deadlock among the major political parties. Some of the political party negotiators to the constitution-making process seem to negotiate by attrition! Notwithstanding this, we are likely to have presidential and other elections next year. Curiously individuals and businesses alike are dreading it. I wonder why! Reminds me of Russell Baker in his autobiography "Growing Up." Referring to his mother's competitive streak, he says whenever they played cards at home they had to let her win for the sake of peace in the home.

After my princely sum of 81 votes in the last parliamentary elections, I am still licking my wounds so I won't bother this time. I will stick to local government elections. I reckon there is more room to make a difference there. Having said that, 81 votes is a lot more than what Arthur Mutambara got. I think he garnered only 54. So in that sense I more than deserve to be a Deputy Prime Minister!

My maths degree took a back seat this year but I expect to resume it next year. At this rate it could be the turn of the century before I complete it! In contrast, my niece Chido (the one in blue)

completed her accountancy degree with the University of South Africa in record time this year. It took me at least a year longer to complete the same degree! That makes her living evidence that beauty and brains do mix after all.
Talking of bright women in the clan, I am spending Christmas with arguably the brightest of them all - my mother. In the year she sat her nursing final exams, she came out the top student countrywide. Even then I still think she made a career mistake. She is such a good cook, she should have been a professional chef. So I might have to contend with a fair amount of festive flab after the holidays.

I wish you all a good Christmas.