Dear friends,
“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” Helen Keller
As Zimbabwe remains stuck in an unrelenting tailspin, I also have come to the inevitable fight or flight crossroads. I am pleased to report that I have opted to fight. So I am here in Zimbabwe to stay, to the bitter end. More on that some other day.
On a recent trip abroad I came across this billboard
in Musina, a South African town near the border with Zimbabwe. It was just as well I saw it, because without it I probably would have patronized the guys in South Africa. I am now convinced that as a general rule there is better news coverage of Zimbabwe abroad than at home. So regardless of where you are, you are likely to have access to at least the same level of Zimbabwe news as me. I will therefore spare you the boredom of a detailed general review. I will concentrate on personal experiences instead. If after reading this letter you are still awake enough to handle more anecdotes, please see below.
In a nutshell, life in Zimbabwe today is like camping. You have to organize all your amenities yourself. Not just the electricity and water but all the way down to rearing your own chickens! Little wonder then that my friends Sandra and Trevor who are camping buffs appear to be coping better than most.
Inefficiency in each sector has blighted other sectors in turn until the whole system got hopelessly snarled up. It now takes all day to get nowhere. The central bank printers for example have failed to issue appropriate money denominations commensurate with hyperinflation. So banks have run out of cash. Hapless depositors are literally camping outside the banks
and by empty ATMs in the hope of accessing their money, for what it’s worth. This has had knock on effects on business in general which already had enough problems to begin with. Those who have suffered the bank queues will probably never bank their cash again if they can help it. So the financial services sector, which has proved to be resilient thus far, may be facing its worst test to date.
Under-nourished people are no longer confined to remote areas. Harare and other big cities now have their share of them. I am not too surprised though. It now takes enough effort to feed my one mouth. I particularly feel sorry for the pregnant ladies I see who clearly haven’t got enough sustenance for themselves, never mind for their babies!
When I traveled abroad a few weeks ago three households gave me independent lists of groceries they were wanting me to bring back for them. I discovered an interesting motif running through the three lists. They all included common table salt! I was both surprised and saddened by this. The shortage situation
is now so ridiculous it continues to surprise even us who live here!
Equally surprising are signs that there could be more food in Darfur than in Zimbabwe. A friend Ken traveling from the Sudan used his precious baggage allowance to bring back edible oils and flour. This is what he had to say,” I was in Sudan recently and must be one of the few people to fly out of Sudan with things like oil, flour, sugar, rice, yeast etc for use back home. Most people are trying to get stuff into Sudan but I was taking it to Zim!”
Sitting in a dentist's waiting room I overheard two ladies chatting. One said, "Kirisimasi ino ndiri kuizeza. Kumba kwangu hakuna chiriko. I hope no one comes to visit me." (I am dreading this Christmas. I've got nothing at home. I hope no one comes to visit me).
If symptoms persist we may well witness a regression of aesthetic norms. Before industrialization food supplies were seasonal and erratic. Since a season is shorter than a pregnancy term, a woman’s chances of successfully carrying a pregnancy to full term depended on the size of energy reserves (fat) that she had to begin with. So, overweight ladies were popular. If the current shortage trend persists, we may eventually witness a resurgence of bygone aesthetic values.
Talking of vital statistics, I remember browsing around the library in my student days and stumbling upon a certain surgery journal. It carried an article on breast reduction surgery. I wondered why anyone would want to do that! This year I found out. On the morning of 13 May 2007 I went to the South African Embassy in Harare to collect my passport. I was served by a lady at counter number 3. While she sat there I think I noticed that she had an impressive cleavage, but let it ride. It was only when she stood up to fetch my passport from the back office that I realized the full extent of her gifting. She is easily the most well-endowed woman I have ever seen! She looked like she could easily keel over. Yet she strolled to the back office with surprisingly great ease. They say, “Nzou hairemerwe nenyanga dzayo.” (An elephant never feels the weight of its tusks). However, I could still see too much of a good thing there. She could do with that operation.
Not far from the South African Embassy I had a less interesting experience. On 9 October 2007 I went to the Diagnostic Imaging Centre for some investigations relating to a running injury. After the first X-ray the radiographer asked me to turn over and lie on my left side. As I did that, she went, “Ahhh Zesa yaenda!”(Oh no! We’ve just lost power). They had a generator but it could only support emergency lighting. The X-ray machines were too big for it. So I had to fiddle around for a few hours waiting for the power supply to be restored. In the end an exercise that should have taken only fifteen minutes cost me a whole morning.
Less than a month later I had a similar misfortune, this time at the dentist. He was preparing to re-do my old filling. Only after injecting anaesthetic he had to abort the operation due to power supply problems. Fortunately he had not drilled yet. So the procedure was rescheduled for another day. The moral of these stories is that do not have open heart surgery in Zimbabwe these days.
If I remember well I think we also had a power cut while I wrote one of my exams. 
The demands of my mathematics studies continue to intensify. One of the modules I took this year was Calculus in Higher Dimensions. For the first time in my life I had to hammer stuff in so hard that I once ended up with a headache. It is quite possible that I have risen to my level of incompetence! Throughout my life, visualizing things in three dimensions has been a breeze. At Fletcher High School I was privileged to have the late Victor Chiwome for a classmate and friend. Victor was so bright that some authorities considered him to be superhuman. Fletcher High School traditionally took in the cream from schools across Zimbabwe. That made Victor le crème de le crème. I have yet to meet anyone else as bright. For all his intelligence, there was one thing I could do better than him. That was visualizing geometric interpretations of mathematical concepts. That is being tested now! Dealing in three dimensions is one thing, but when the calculus transcends four dimensions and more, it tends to stretch the imagination a bit. I suspect there could be convergence of calculus and surrealism waiting to be discovered out there.
Fletcher High School 
turned fifty this year. In a moment of weakness I volunteered to join the Golden Jubilee Celebrations steering committee. It was like running a marathon. By the time we finished, I was worn out, hot and possibly smelt bad but exhilarated. If you wish to read my editorial contribution to The Sunday Mail supplement published on 23 September 2007 as part of the Fletcher High School Golden Jubilee celebrations please see below.
I stepped down from a couple of voluntary commitments. After twelve years on the sound team at the church I stepped down in July. I felt I no longer had any new sound advice to give. A month earlier I had stepped down from the board of Feba Radio Zimbabwe (after ten years’ service) as well as the International Board of Feba Radio (after six years service) .
Much of my international travel related to Feba International Board work. So I should be traveling a lot less from now.
Talking of travel, British Airways has finally given up on Zimbabwe. They pulled out on 31 October 2007. All other European airlines had long since gone but for a while it looked like BA were going to stick it out indefinitely.
This is bad news for me personally because British Airways is the second most special airline to me after Singapore Airlines (see appendix below for explanation). I have probably done more air miles on British Airways than on any other airline. Also my first ever flight to London in the spring of 1978 was on British Airways. I subsequently dallied with Swiss Air as well as South African Airways but British Airways remains my senior wife for the London route.
The British Airways day flight from Harare to London was particularly convenient.
I struggle to sleep well on aeroplanes, so day flights are a real blessing. The only time I have ever slept well on a flight was when I was upgraded to a class with flat beds (also on BA). No matter how well the seats recline, I can never sleep well as long as I am not fully horizontal. I still don’t know the exact physiological basis of this. I suspect that for as long as the heart has to pump blood upwards, profound rest is not possible. If this is correct then it must be great fun sleeping on weightless spacecraft.
What I certainly won’t miss is the standard of catering on that British Airways Harare- London day flight. It was the second worst on any airline I have ever flown. The whole idea of brunch is my pet hate in the best of times, let alone when it is proffered as the only meal on a 10 hour flight!
I had three experiences of trauma this year, two physical and the other psychological.
The first case of physical trauma was brunch on the Harare-to-London British Airways day flight.
The symptom of the second physical trauma was a sciatica. Initially I put it down to a running injury but the more I think about it the more I am convinced that it was due to lifting heavy zvigubhus(Jerry cans). Whether it is diesel or water, I usually get help where I load them. However when I get home I am on my own. Many times I have whipped a 55litre container out of the car by myself. I am undergoing re-habilitation therapy
now and I expect to be running again sometime in the New Year.
On the morning of 15 Jan 2007 I discovered , to my horror, the first undeniable grey hair on my head. I was devastated. It was downhill for me now. I sought consolation from my brother but all he could say was, “What it means is that you have been in free fall all along and you are just about to hit the ground.” For a while, I had good reason to intensify my search for a wife. However, not long after that food shortages started to really bite ( no pun intended). Now I can barely feed myself. So a wife is again out of the question until I sort out my food security.
The silver lining ( no pun intended) is that I should be wise now, at last. A friend(?) once teased me saying, “So when does the wisdom kick in then?!”
Age is not always a bad thing. The Gwatamatic
turned ten this year and that has certainly helped its credibility. If you wish to read more about it, please see below.
Here’s wishing you a good Christmas and New Year. Please don’t forget to keep Christ in Christmas. These days I seem to receive far too many greeting cards that are palpably reluctant to acknowledge Christmas. They are ever so ready to dwell on the festive aspect while at the same time denying the very basis of the festivities. I think that is ludicrous. A lady at the church recently posed an interesting question: CHRISTMAS/ SACRED; CHRIST/ MASSACRED. Where do you draw the line? Thanks for that Colleen.
Best wishes,
Will.
APPENDIX
Extract from my newsletter of the year 2004 explaining how British Airways was relegated.
Airline reviewPrior to this year British Airways was the best airline I had ever flown. After flying Singapore Airlines, I am afraid to say British Airways has now been relegated to a mediocre score in my book. It was like meeting a better woman after years of mistaken belief that your girlfriend was the best. Singapore Airlines is outstanding on both long haul and regional flights. The average age of their fleet is lower than most and their in-flight entertainment is free of padding. Everything on offer is worthwhile. They are clearly not niggardly. I did not sleep a wink for the entire flight from Johannesburg to Singapore because there was so much to do. I had never achieved this on any other long haul airline. I particularly enjoyed the documentaries channel. I think I watched all the documentaries and some of them more than once. One of them even changed my life. I am now taking omega 3 fatty acid capsules everyday since I watched the documentary.
On the Singapore to Bali leg I was privileged to fly on a brand new aircraft for the first time in my life. Singapore Airlines had recently acquired the exclusive new “Leadership” Airbus which was earmarked to ply between Singapore and Los Angeles on the proposed 18 hour non-stop flights (the longest scheduled non-stop civilian flights ever). They were “running in” the aircraft in the Bali route before the direct Los Angeles flights scheduled to start two weeks later. The plane practically has no economy class, which is great news for those with long legs! I guess if passengers are going to be confined to the cabin for 18 hours, steerage becomes inappropriate. There are even coffee bars on board!
If Singapore Airlines is the best airline I have ever flown, Air India has got to be the worst. I flew Air India for two hours from Bombay to New Delhi and it felt like eternity. There were squadrons of mosquitoes buzzing in the immigration hall as well as on board. The refreshments were a pitiful sight and they had sluggish old men for cabin staff. The plane was so run down it was hard to believe it was a Boeing 747-400. It was even harder to believe it could get airborne as it rattled down the runway. So it was an amusing surprise when it did take off! The Air India Boeing 747-400 is the ultimate gwaimani(beast of burden). It is functional but totally devoid of style, aesthetics and respect. You can spit on the floor without feeling guilty and I think some passengers did. On the way back to Bombay I flew Jet Airways which was like a breath of fresh air. The two airlines are as different as chalk to cheese. Jet Airways is full of light and air, clean and vibrant with even more vibrant young pretty hostesses.
Fletcher High School may be only fifty years old but its heritage has origins which trace back more than five hundred years. It is part of a lineage that has its roots in medieval times. The school was modeled on the venerable English grammar school design. To put our school’s pedigree in context, this article reviews the origins and rise of grammar schools in general.
